With my 20th wedding anniversary coming up this month, I’ve been reflecting on what exactly kept my husband and I going strong. Here are the 5 tips I believe helped us to see one another through 20 years of marriage. I did consult my husband for help with this post. You will read his opinions in tip #4 and #5.

1. G-O-D

I know you may be thinking this is every believer’s automatic response, but seriously, God kept my marriage. Honestly, there were many times my husband and I gave up and even gave the “ok, this isn’t working” speech as we mentally prepared to separate, but within a few hours of that time, God would restore hope, flood our thoughts with our love for one another, remind us of the goodness and kindness of the other, bring to memory the goals and prayers we’ve yet to accomplish together. Because we tried to throw in the towel on occasion, can we truly take credit for keeping our relationship strong? No! God put our marriage together and it is Him that is keeping it going strong which is why He gets all the honor and glory. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate (Mark 10:9). If we do any special celebrating for our 20th wedding anniversary, we celebrate Him and Him alone.

2. Forgiveness

I don’t care who you are, if you want any relationship to work, you must practice forgiveness. Matthew 18: 21 Peter asked Jesus “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?” Before Jesus could answer, Peter followed up with what he thought was a good enough number; “up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Many are ok to quickly forgive blood relatives but have trouble understanding that outside friendships and relationships require constant forgiveness as well. There were days my husband and I came very close to using our seventy-time seven worth of apologies and forgiveness. We’d just laugh by the end thinking of how crazy the day had gone. Having a ring on one’s finger doesn’t give a person some sort of “perfection” superpower. Married or not, we are all human and all capable of err. It is in those times that we need to be pardoned or forgiven.

When you’re just getting to know a person, you must realize, your partner doesn’t know everything that hurts you and sometimes it takes situations to arise which work to become learning ground for your partner to understand you better moving forward. Unfortunately, many relationships have ended because of a partner unwilling to forgive. I once read a post that said, “forgiveness is giving (to the other person) as you did before (the error).” I’ll have another post coming soon on forgiveness because I now see it’s something not currently being practiced enough. (New post here: shebecomesher.com/forgive-those-who-trespass-against-us)

3. Perseverance

Merriam-webster defines perseverance as continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition. Relationships aren’t always peaches and cream, but when you have two people determined to persevere, you can get through anything. It’s a continued mindset that quitting is not an option.

4. Friendship

After asking my husband for help with this post, the first tip he offered was friendship which is a good one. Friendship is what builds a strong foundation which leads to a strong relationship. My husband and I were friends before we were anything. We could tell each other anything and that hasn’t stopped. Because of our friendship, it’s so weird when we hear anyone say they can’t date a person because it’s their best friend or friend. In our eyes, that’s the perfect candidate to date esp. if there’s romantic chemistry between both parties. Why? There’s already a strong foundation of openness, honesty, trust, and the ability to relate/connect. You’ll be far ahead of other couples because you won’t have to go through the initial stages of building such foundation of friendship.

5. Understanding

My husband’s second tip is understanding one another. To keep a relationship strong, you must be able to not only relate but also understand your partner by putting yourself in their shoes especially during the times you’re not connecting so easily. “Understanding” allows you to see the other person’s point of view and be empathetic to how they feel. Understanding is defined as the ability to know or comprehend. In my 20 years of marriage, my husband and I are still getting to know one another. We’ve both grown over the years and with growth comes change. With change comes the need for us to be constant in getting to know one another. Many relationships even non-romantic relationships are destroyed because one party refuses to see and understand the new person you’ve become.

I hope these tips help you in building or keeping your relationship or marriage strong. If you have any good tips, please do share with us in the comments!